Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
