I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wish there were birth control emojis
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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