i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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