oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
