Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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