real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
