I'm gonna have a badass scar
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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