A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
