yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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