Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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