If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
