Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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