I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
