I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
