2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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