So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
