I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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