When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
