Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
