Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
