Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
