A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize