my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
