i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
