I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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