If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
