So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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