You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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