Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
