he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
