I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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