accomplished twins. life is a go
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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