I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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