How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
