they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
