Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
