the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
