I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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