we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
