i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
