Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
