ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
