My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize