garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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