I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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