so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
