So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize