You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize