Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
