K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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