i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
