I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
