Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
