I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
