Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
