my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just tell him i said nine months
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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