I love black thongs
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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