I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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