Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
