Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
