Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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