I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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