12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
