im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
