so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
