Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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