The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
