Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize