can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
