I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
