yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm both gender and math confused
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
