My hand turned me down
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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