Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize