well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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