We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
