if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
