apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
