Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
