I just saw a hot homeless man
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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