Do you still have your period?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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