if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
