I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
