i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He did a backflip because drugs
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
