How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
