We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
