I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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