i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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