I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
