That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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