I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You can't motorboat a personality
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
