I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
