ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
