Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
