I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
