24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize