I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
