I think i peed on brittanys purse
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
