I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
