Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
