Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
being pregnant is like rehab
We have started to decorate penises.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
