i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
