Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
