which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
