dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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