u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
