after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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