Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
