i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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