I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
