Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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