He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
