It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize